Heather & The Hobo, MD

My friend Mary, from college, emails me often with the continuing saga of Heather, another acquaintance from school, and her monthly/weekly/daily dilemma. Heather is a classic only-child, whiner, man-problem, no common sense, overkill, exaggerate everything, type of gal. Frankly, talking to even a few times a year through email makes me stabby. On the other hand, hearing her stories secondhand from Mary makes me giddy. The latest is the story of Heather seeking treatment for supposed punch to the head inflicted upon her in a metro-Detroit club by a gaggle of angry, jealous club girls.

Above is Mary's Microsoft Paint version of how she later sought treatment by a man she thought was a doctor, but was really a street bum. If you knew this girl, you'd realize that the scenario Mary has concocted is completely plausible. It should also be noted that in college, we used to paint out scenarios for one another of random things that happened to us, class stories, dude stories and sorority tales. I shall ask Mary if she has any of our old ones saved from her email.

You can click on the picture to see more details about Heather's Hobo-Doctor Visit. I especially enjoy the EKG machine.

Free Stuff is Good Stuff

For anyone looking for something to do in their city, I highly recommend joining the VIP clubs from local radio stations. On top of getting free cds and such, you are also privy to private events and concerts.
Last night we went to the Music Mill for a free VIP concert featuring A.L.O. and Sonya Kitchell. It was excellent and not too crowded since only VIP listeners were invited. They had free eats and booze too.
Another highlight of these events is people-watching. The crowd last night was pretty mixed, but there were several t-shirts I'd wished I had photographed. One man was wearing one that said "Soylent Green is People!" and another chick had a shirt with a duck on it that said "What the Duck?" I asked her where she bought it in anticipation of getting one for Jennie. Apparently it was Forever 21 and I called the Castleton store and they were out...bummer.

Girl on Girl Action...Better Known As - My Birthday Party

First, a hot photo of girl on girl action and secondly, a photo of me blowing out my luscious choco-dream birthday cake. Jennie had a bash the likes this town had never seen just two weeks ago. I had friends from Indy, work and from high school make it down. We ate, drank and were merry at the Mathurs, then moved to the ever-so-trendy Subterra Lounge for a private room with top shelf liquors and our own barmaid. There happened to be a 70s birthday party there as well, so there was much to look at. We danced for hours and enjoyed the Dj and the bongo player. It was tre' chic.
I hope Jennie will share all the other great photos with me so that I can place them on my blog - especially the one where I tried to feed her cake from between my breasts. Hey, just because a girl is 30 doesn't mean she can get boozed and try to feed her friend a piece of cake from between her ta-tas. Don't judge.

I am a Busy Beaver

Between presenting at IPHA, my fantastic birthday party and work...work...work - I'd forgotten to post on my blog. But as soon as this hellish week is over, I'll be back. Until then, I will leave you with this photo. Because I love Star Wars...and detest the inadequacy of the current administration.

Swerve-y McSwervepants

Today as I was cruising out to grab some grub at Qdoba, I noticed that the nice weather brought all the crazys, aka Jennie's boos, out. On my ride back, I noticed a middle-aged white man in a mini-van talking on his phone (of course) and swerving in and out of traffic. He almost nailed me and a few others. At a traffic light I pulled up behind him and much to my delight he had a "How's My Driving?" sign on his bumper. So at the next stop I pulled up to his left and he looked over. I did the "roll it down buddy" motion and when he did I said "Not So Well!" He looked confused and yelled "Not So Well What?" "Your Driving...Not So Good!" said I. He gave me a weird look and barreled through the traffic light...but I felt satisfied. Jennie would have killed me but I am sure Sarah would have been quite proud.

Additionally, I found this: www.baddriving.com on the web where you can report bad drivers and shitty parkers. It's European - leave it to them to find humor in bad driving, since they're some of the worst drivers ever. It is tre' humorous...almost as much as moi.

Head Start Kids Are Funny

Today Robin and I went to a couple Head Start locations to read Asthma stories and make projects. While waiting at the Wyandotte Center I noticed that a large story had been posted on the door. It was called "SpongeBob and the Lion". We read it out loud and were laughing so hard, I had to ask the teacher about it. Apparently, the kids do a story project once a week where one child starts the story and the others continue it. The teacher writes down the stories and posts them outside their classroom door once a week for others to see. I loved this story so much, she actually gave me a copy. You wouldn't be able to see it if I scanned it, so I'll just type it out for you. This is the time I actually appreciate the humor of 3 year olds.

SpongeBob and the Lion

SpongeBob and Dick Cheney the Lion were at the park. They played on the slide. They slid down on their backs, then they went to Chuck E. Cheese.

SpongeBob and Dick Cheney went on the slide and they talked to Chuck E. on the phone. He told them to go to Grandma's house to eat pizza. SpongeBob and Dick Cheney the Lion went on an airplane. It crashed into another airplane. They jumped out. Then SpongeBob and Dick Cheney woke up. They were dreaming. They got up and ate noodles.

Cork It

Dear intern on the 3rd floor:

We've been over this before - I do not care about your latest boo, your pretend writing of non-existent HIV grants, your pseudo-christian lifestyle, your incessant need to be noticed by the higher-ups at our corporation, or your skin condition. Please just go in your undeserved office and shut the door - perhaps with your head still hanging halfway out. Or better yet, climb in one of those new recycle bins and shut the lid...I'll be along with some super glue for your mouth later.

Love Always,

April