Come On Barbie Let's Go Party!

This a.m. I was privy to a riveting conversation between two 40-ish-50-ish females in a neighboring department talking about their lack of summer fun clothing. One dingbat expressed to the other "I wish I was Barbie, I would always have fun stuff to wear. That would be so cool!" Um, no. If Barbie was a real woman and that woman was you, you'd probably have to order specially made bras from another country, you would be 6 feet tall and weigh a whopping 101 lbs and your waist would be too small to support your huge knockers, so you have to walk bending over. Plus, you be so malnourished you'd have the trots 24/7...and your boyfriend would have a plastic crotch - and we all know how much you can do with a plastic crotch (okay, maybe not). Seriously, do people think before they speak? Never mind - I already know the answer. Besides, I'd rather be Skipper anyway. At least she got to leave the compound and go sailing.

Here is a list of things I've decided that will never come out of my mouth...and if, by a snowball's chance in hell they do - gouge me in the eyes with a burning stick...quickly:

"Yes, my husband's a mime and of course it turns me on!"

"I love to party...with my parents."

"A rollercoaster ride with my string bikini top on? Sure, count me in."

"Put salt in my coffee instead of Splenda? Sounds great, pass it over."

Is This Your Sign Jennie?

I think I see you behind that man in sunglasses, holding this sign up in downtown Indy. I also recall seeing sticky letters and poster board at your house last week. Does any of this ring a bell?

Boom Boom Shaka Laka Laka Boom

Today, as I sat at my desk, I started to move...and it wasn't on my own accord. The building was shaking...and it wasn't a massive Avian flu attack or brigade of Syphilis...it was a 1980's silver hoopty playing music so loud it shook my 8 floor accomodations.

Christ on a cracker people! I like my music loud too, but I've never shook an entire building with it. It should also be noted a drunk man at Starbucks asked me for $2 to feed his tiger. Some people call this an adventure, I call it Wednesday - The end. *click and enlarge for better details*

The 2 O'Clock Stretch...Not Always That Good For You (Plus, the Insanity of Interviewing in 2006)

Above is a photo of the today's 2 o' clock stretch (click for more details) - a daily opportunity for employees to get outside and have some exercise, and most importanly, get the hell away from their desks. We also have a 20 minute exercise class in the breakroom, but I always choose the walk outside because I can do it with my friends...and we can gossip.
Today, after spending the entire morning working the H&H table at the City Market Farmer's Market (which was fabu - more on that later) I had to get some work done. Unfortunately that work was an interview with Byron for his next educational journal. This left Emily to go-it alone for the walk. I couldn't believe my eyes though, as I gazed down from my office window and saw her approaching the building with some new "friends". She did not look happy. I'll bet she learned a lesson here - don't walk with asshats, because no exercise is better than exercise with fools.
Also, it should be noted that a friend emailed me today about an interesting aspect of a recent job interview. She was interviewing for an investment banking gig and as soon as she sits down with her interviewer, he pulls out copies of her MySpace and Facebook profiles. WTF? I didn't get many details from her, other than she was mortified. Why would someone do this? I can see being interested in whomever you hire...and if they're on crack cocaine..and even if they've been in a federal lockup or sell internet kiddie porn. But their MySpace profile? Gee Jennie, better get that Wiccan-S&M-Llama Lovers page down!

Season's Greetings

I have confirmed with Jennie that we will be superimposing our faces on this Estree painting for our joint holiday card this year. Later, Robin and I will use it for Asthma Alliance thank you cards.
The only difficulty is deciding between Jennie and I - which one of us gets to be the "tweaker". I say me because I am older. We'll have to duke it out later, but at least you know what you're in for this holiday season. So, watch your mailboxes.

Craig's List - Can You Really Find Everything?

It's been said that people hook-up with everything from prom dates to lawn mowers on this site, but can you really find everything your heart desires? Please read my new add and let me know what you think before I submit it this week. It started in jest, but I really think I've got something here.

There's something missing in my life, and since long ago I decided I'm way too selfish to have children, the only way to fill this gap I've decided is with a new gay boyfriend. See I was one of those girls growing up who had a lot of guy friends between the ages of 10 to 15 only for them all to discover at 17 that they were indeed gay. For some reason the Madonna obsessions never really gave them away, but times were simpler then. In my 30s now I've had fleeting gay boyfriends but I can't tell you when my last night at Manhole was or when anyone actually got behind me on a theme party idea.

Here's the deal, if you'll be my next gay boyfriend, we can shop, sit around and watch awards shows/pageants, you can bitch about your boyfriend/husband/lack thereof, I can bitch about my husband (who will always think we are plotting against him anyway), we'll of course go shopping and for spa days, go dancing at over-priced clubs (with VIP rooms), paint by numbers, overindulge on champagne cocktails and white zinfandel, throw impromptu dance parties, learn more about cheese and teach each other French (unless you already know French, then you can teach me). We'll also plan fabulous exotic vacations which will never happen, and drunk dial our senator. Get the idea?

About me, just turned 30, married, a lot of evenings on my hands to drink martinis and have both intelligent and entirely catty conversations at the same time, cute with great looking girlfriends, good with snappy comebacks, penchant for coveted classics like pearls or a Hermes Kelly bag, hater of gauchos and straight men who wear sandals, fervent reader of American/ Italian Vogue, lover of Grey Gardens, Mean Girls, the color pink, and music - From Cat Stevens to Ludacris, seriously I love a lot of music.

You must be "close" to my age, not have a crush on my husband, appreciator of the classics "Sybil, Mommie Dearest, What Ever Happened to Baby Jane..etc." love of indie/foreign film and music would be nice, loving Project Runway a bonus, must make GREAT martini, militant Democrat, can tell me when I'm over accessorizing, must love animals, a good Phyllis Diller impersonation would also be nice. Let's meet for $11.00 drinks and I’ll introduce you to my other fag-hag girlfriends.