I Don't Eat Cows - I Befriend Them

Today was World Asthma Day and of course, I spent it hanging out with a cow at the Castleton Mall. Actually, this cow stopped by much later in the day, after I had put in quite a bit of work time educating the community on respiratory illnesses. This is a bit blurry, as Lisa took it with a Polaroid, but you get the picture. The cow was nice and all, but he spent a considerable amount of time trying to read my t-shirt...near the breast area. Perhaps his next order of business should be to enroll in a speed reading program so he doesn't look as sketchy in the future.

At the end of the day, I went to Jennie and Anu's house and recorded my voice overs for Jennie's new media project - The State Fair Goat Story. Anu was delighted when he got to do two voices instead of his original vocal assignment. I however, am no one trick pony, and was given a couple different speaking roles. Stick around for more on that.

Reason #2 Why I Feel Old

Here is my goddaughter's newest school photo...man does this make me feel old. I remember carrying her around on my hip and bottle feeding her. She's pretty beautiful though. I also like this photo of her because she really looks like she means business...and for most of you who know her, you understand that this is a pretty accurate portrayal.

Happy Birthday to Me AKA It's No Longer Cool to Not Get Carded

So today is my 30th Birthday...the big 3-0 people. It started off with a bang though, I got a free Mocha from my fantastically gay boyfriend at Starbucks, some lovely flowers from Robin, a "Gas, Grass or Ass...No One Rides For Free" t-shirt from Jennie, a birthday visit from Meghan and some other assorted goodies. Now, my real big part-e is next Saturday, so I am looking forward to that. Monday I was feted at a birthday lunch with coworkers and Emily baked a slammin'chocolate-raspberry torte.
Tonight, I stopped to buy a bottle of birthday hooch, okay, actually I bought a classy bottle of red wine. I finally realized that not getting carded means you actually look over 21...not that 21 looks old by any means. But, when you are 21 it's actually fun to be carded. Now I understand why women who are 30-some and 40-ish actually like this process...it does make you feel good about yourself. Not the case for me tonight, but maybe it had something to do with my orthopedic shoes, plastic hair bonnet, support hose and bright red lipstick smeared on my teeth.

Just kidding...you know I don't wear bright red lipstick.

Get Down Girl Go 'Head Get Down

It's that time of year again, when the weather reaches "cruising" altitude and the dudes are out in full force on 38th Street. I continually find it amusing when I am driving to the promised land (The Bucks) for a coffee and dudes pull up to my car and act both suprised and delighted to see a white girl in the car listening to Field Mobb or Lil' Kim. I am not blonde, so I don't know what it's like for Jennie or Emily...but I've heard. My hair is pretty dark, so I don't stick out like a sore thumb - but when it comes to bumpin' my music...the dudes take notice. However, I'd like any dudes reading this to take note: my love of hip hop and rap music and my playing of said music does not translate in to me desiring you to "holla" at me. It's nice out...I don't need airconditioning yet...and I like my tunes loud...that's all. Perhaps I need Jennie or Sarah to school me in their patented "Don't Fuck with Me" look. Emily might need lessons too. Word.

Just In Case You Needed to Know

I "retrieved" this sign (sounds better than stole) from the second floor for Jennie. The "choir" that this sign refers to is our newest-corporate-just-in-time-for-staff-day singing fanatics. I would not normally have a problem with our corporation forming a choir, as I am all for extracurricular activities. But this choir is not extracurricular...the practices are for over an hour during the workday and this doesn't include said members lunchtimes. That, while equally annoying, is not really my biggest problem.

The problem is that this choir was formed for the sole purpose of "entertaining" (notice I use this term loosely because I would also consider throwing dinner rolls at people entertaining) the rest of the 700+ MCHD employees at our annual Staff Day....with Jesus-related songs. I wouldn't care if they were singing us the Hokey Pokey just not Jesus-related songs, unless of course, they chose a song for every other religious and non-religious person attending. We already have a Jesus-related blessing done before the meal...which I find both insulting and irritating. Plus, I have to look like a shithead when I am not bowing my head like the rest of the people (with exception to the other Hindus, Muslims, Atheists and Jews to name a few) in the room. It's not like I can stand up and grab a microphone and say "Oh, by the way people, I am not bowing my head because I don't practice the same religion as you, not because I am trying to be an asshole"...you just sit there looking and feeling embarrassed...and I don't think anyone should have to feel that way on a day that is set aside to supposedly make staff feel great. Plus, we're a government agency damnit! That's one of the reasons I chose to work for the government - separation of church and state.

So, just in case you needed to know...choir practice has moved to the 1st floor...my aggravation is still on 3.

No Dorks Allowed

For quite a few months now I 've been obsessed with Geekologie - a site full of fun and geeky things. So obsessed, in fact, that I'd completely forgotten to share it with my geeky friends. Here it is...don't wear yourself out looking at all the stuff. I am particularly enthralled with the fighting robots, robot moose decoy and programmable soda bottle. Enjoy Geeks!

www.geekologie.com

Pardon Me 8-Foot Recycle Bin, I'd Like to Get to My Office

This morning, after showing the 95 year-old security guard my badge, and after asking him "Do you love it?" I proceeded on to the elevators. Something, or things, was clearly in my way. What, you ask? Two elephant-sized green recycle bins. I says to Otis I says - "What the fuck are these?" He started his usual laughing (because, I've determined, that he thinks it's uber-hilarious to hear a young, white chick in dressclothes curse like a truck driver) but said "Those be for recyclin'." "Recyclin' what...nuclear missiles?" I says. Otis goes on to say "Ah yeah, well you're gonna be real happy when you get to three...cause there's two more sittin' right outside the doors." Grrreeeaaat (said in a Bill Lumberg fashion).

Upon closer inspection of said bins, I noticed they had written instructions for dolts like "No Hot Ashes". What kind of moron do you think I am? First of all, the building is smokefree and secondly...what kind of moron do you think I am?

Let's get one thing straight - I am all for recycling. I have a Ray's recycling bin at my house that's full of rinsed cans and paper...but two bins on each floor and each the size of a Ford Festiva placed ever so conveniently outside the elevator entrances to each floor? The smaller ones we've had since I started working there are just fine, thank you.

These bins pose some other problems that I don't think the powers that be even considered. We already have a security problem in our building and now with these Voltron-sized bins people can hide behind them, or say, smuggle themselves and loads of explosives in them. Plus, with all the lazy-ass people floating around there is bound to be stinky, unrinsed cans and food receptacles in there. And since they're so damn big, it's going to take forever to fill them. My final complaint...who the hell do you think has to haul all 18 of those fuckers out to the curb for pick-up? Otis, that's who...and nobody asked him for his imput.

So I guess it's okay if I start chucking worthless employees in them...I have already started my list. The only other option is to make a guestlist and throw a rave in one...does anybody have some extra glowsticks lying around?

Who Are the People In Your Neighborhood?

The old Sesame Street song begs the question: just who are these people...the people that you meet each day? I do believe it is important to learn about the people in your neighborhood or, for all intents and purposes, your workplace.
I first pondered this yesterday when Lisa, Robin and I were out to lunch. When talking about our workplace, aliases for other employees seemed to roll off our tongues effortlessly. I know I cannot be the only person in the free world that makes up pseudonyms for other employees. With that, allow me to present just some of the people in my neighborhood.
Pumpkinhead: individual who changes her hair color monthly, but its mainstay is orange.
Tipsy: this person is always lit up like a Christmas tree.
Papertowel Pilferer, aka Papertowel Hoarder: person whom Otis has identified as the lady who cleans him out of paper towels in the third floor restroom before the workday begins. He thinks she is running a part-time restaurant business.
Rolling Papers: person who set Saazo's Saazo on fire in said lot and who always has a stash of Zig Zags in back pocket.
Copy Gestapo: person who alerted Jennie that we have in house copying services available and that she should use them instead of hogging the copier on 3.
Ass Blower: is always in the 3rd floor bathroom at 1:30 p.m. Ask Tiffany for details.
Breast Checker: security guard who would rather make sure you have a bra on than whether or not the building is about to be sprayed with gunfire.
Michael Jackson: this person was also named by Otis when they sported a Jerri Curl for months at a time.
Shirt Bitcher: located on the first floor, doesn't want to wear a long-sleeved employee health fair shirt.
Hot Guy #1 & Hot Guy #2: both in Housing. Ask Lisa for details.
Mr. McFeely: named was coined by Pam in '02.
Close Talker & Loud Talker: both on 3 and both friends.
Cemetary Sex: new name, but Robin and company should know who I am talking about.
Revlon Red: coined by Jennie or Sarah, I can't remember, but count on seeing this person a mile away.
Smokey McSmokepants: refers to several individuals smoking near the Glendale tree or in their cars while I am trying to get through to my vehichle to do actual work.
I sure hope there is a nice pseudonym for me out there...like asthma-ho or sexy office supply-hoarder...one can only dream. Robin, Emily, Nicole, Jennie...Rhonda...even Jorge...have I missed anybody?

Yay! Meghan's Finally Here!!!

Yesterday around 10:00 a.m. Meghan Kristeen Vaughan made her first appearance. Jennie and I were waiting at the Hospital with Sarah and Travis's family. Sarah did beautiful and Travis was a natural daddy. Here are some first photos of "Meg" and April, Meg and Jennie and just Meghan!!!