April Thayer, M.D.

I have decided to obtain business cards with the above title because:
A. The woman from the American College of CHEST Physicians who is booking my flight reservations for their annual conference keeps calling me that, and
B. It seems I can get online and get this degree in approximately 15 months - or at least an assortment of other acceptable "degrees".
I was enlightened today about a co-workers new Master's Degree from an on-line college. The degree is a Masters in (basically) time management. What did you say, April?
I said...Time Management. The class listings, if you can call them that, had such titles as "making schedules" and "employee relations". It is, from what I can tell so far, an accredited university. To be determined though.
We have certainly come a long way in providing top-notch educational opportunities for those wishing to advance in job status and/or pay, haven't we?
Perhaps I should take a moment to photocopy my Ph.D. from Clown College, with an emphasis in balloon-animal making. Or, like the above diploma illustrates, my certificate in auctioneering. I'll most likely get a 5% raise - and I'll take you all out for dinner to celebrate. Let me know what time I should pick you up...because I am using the skills from my latest degree to make a new calendar.

On a side note: My mother sent me a $17 tube of toothpaste today. Holy Hell.

The Waiting Game

The new season of NIP/TUCK has begun, and for this I am thrilled. But what the flying fuck is up with network television? You're telling me I have to put up with "Celebrity Duets" (featuring the short, unmentionable dude from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and the lesser known Queer Eye for the Straight Guy dude) for the next two weeks until LOST premieres?
I am literally on the edge of my seat (bed) waiting to find out which castaway Kate will choose. On a recent entertainment television show members of the cast were asked about storylines. Apparently, we will find out this season what, exactly, paralyzed Locke. All this building up...and I have to watch the woman from Caroline in the City sing a cover of On the Wings of Love?
Seriously.