April Thayer, M.D.

I have decided to obtain business cards with the above title because:
A. The woman from the American College of CHEST Physicians who is booking my flight reservations for their annual conference keeps calling me that, and
B. It seems I can get online and get this degree in approximately 15 months - or at least an assortment of other acceptable "degrees".
I was enlightened today about a co-workers new Master's Degree from an on-line college. The degree is a Masters in (basically) time management. What did you say, April?
I said...Time Management. The class listings, if you can call them that, had such titles as "making schedules" and "employee relations". It is, from what I can tell so far, an accredited university. To be determined though.
We have certainly come a long way in providing top-notch educational opportunities for those wishing to advance in job status and/or pay, haven't we?
Perhaps I should take a moment to photocopy my Ph.D. from Clown College, with an emphasis in balloon-animal making. Or, like the above diploma illustrates, my certificate in auctioneering. I'll most likely get a 5% raise - and I'll take you all out for dinner to celebrate. Let me know what time I should pick you up...because I am using the skills from my latest degree to make a new calendar.

On a side note: My mother sent me a $17 tube of toothpaste today. Holy Hell.