How to Girl Fight - 101

Admittedly, I have never been in a girl fight - I know you are having a hard time believing this, but it's true. Yesterday, I witnessed one as I was pumping my gas on 34th and Sherman. Watching fighting is not typically enjoyable (I consider myself to be a generally peaceful girl) but when it's two grown-ass women duking in it out over a dude - it's certainly interesting. *Here are some key points to remember if you ever find yourself in a girl fight:

1. Try to use the words "trick" and "ho" as many times as possible in the context of one sentence. Example: "Trick you better watch your ho mouth when you're talkin bout my man."

2. Make sure the dude you're squabbling about is present, enjoying a fifth of some type of social lubrication and taking it all in.

3. Long, fake nails help to poke someone in the chest and they say "I mean business or biznass" - which in my opinion, only helps your case.

4. Do not have a weave or extensions done the night or day of the girl fight - as the other person will be forced to either make fun of it or use it to tug you into a headlock. If you have long hair already, secure it with a ponytail.

5. If you are asked to "throw down" - make sure you have something prepared to throw...down. I would suggest a fun, clever item like Jello Pudding or Rice Krispie Treats. Those items suggest that you are both playful and will promulgate your good taste.

6. If all else fails, settle the man dispute with a coin toss. Make sure you utilize an onlooker to toss it for accuracy and fairness.

*This post in no way advocates fighting - it's merely a 'just in case' post. Now go hug someone.