Driving Policies Are No Friend of Mine

Today, employees received a copy of the new H&H Corp. driving policy, of which I am to sign after reading and consenting. Far too often, I think people just sign them without reading and fully taking them into consideration. For this reason, Jennie and I decided to pick apart each detail of the driving policy and decide whether or not we could fully "adhere". Here are just some of the items I take issue with:
1. A Driver may not operate a motor vehicle at any time while impaired, affected or influenced by alcohol, illegal drugs, medication, illness, fatigue or injury. I'll agree with alcohol and illegal drugs, even though I know that's what gets some people through their workday, but medications? Almost all medications I take or I've seen others take say "may cause marked drowsiness". So, am I not supposed to control my allergies or my bladder before coming to work? As if.
2. Drivers shall not carry deadly weapons in, around, or while operating said vehicle. This begs the question: What if I, myself, am considered a deadly weapon? Jennie feels that she could also be put in this category for her Karate skills alone.
3. Employees will conduct themselves in a professional manner at all times: This means no shouting or inappropriate gesturing at other vehicles or people. I feel my shouts and gestures to others during my commute are not only reasonable, but they really define who I am as a person, and they can't take away that freedom, can they?
4. Unless authorized, HHC-owned vehicles shall not be used to conduct personal business? They really need to define "personal business". Is stopping buy McDonald's for a Happy Meal personal business - I consider it nourishment. Is picking up my drycleaning personal business? I consider it necessary for me to come to work looking acceptable. Is a stop at Community Spirits/Liquors personal business? What if it's in the same complex as the drycleaners? I would just call that multi-tasking. And for that type of time management, I feel as if I should be rewarded, not punished.
Other things to be noted:
No "mechanical modifications shall be made" - that means no hydrolics or whistlers, Jennie.
No "items will be hung from visors" - that means no garters or high school graduation tassels.
No "items shall be posted without approval" - that means no "Keep Honking - I'm Reloading" bumper stickers.
It also states that these rules apply whether you're driving a car, a lawn mower, golf cart, earth mover..etc. I guess I'd better put my earth mover back in storage until I have a different job.
Finally, I present this Bassett Hound - who like many at H&H is not in compliance of said policy as he is not only driving recklessly, but without a proper restraint. He also appears to be intoxicated. Someone better check to see if he signed the policy.